25 (Or So) Lessons for my 25th Birthday (2025)
I turned 25 this year. The job at Libsyn is rolling, the family’s clicking, teaching is continuously interesting, life has generally been quite fun. It feels like a moment worth marking. So for a moment of introspection, here’s a list of things I’ve learned, or at least started to learn for my 25 years, and only 25 years on this planet.
The goal is that you get just one thing that helps you out a little going forward.
I teach at California State University, Fullerton, and occasionally, I pull in a guest who shifts the room. They light up the students. They light me up, too. A student asked Giancarlo Nasi: what should I learn to make it in entertainment? His reply: “The strength you have is enough.” That stopped the room. It’s calm, it’s steady, and it’s right. Focus less on what you’re missing and more on what you have.
I’ve been hearing from my students after graduation. The job market’s rough, and they’re all asking: how do I stand out, on paper, in interviews, in life? The real skill? Know what you can do that others can’t. Most of us shrug: “I don’t know—I’ve got skills.” But we don’t say what we bring to the table. I think of it like an 80s action movie. You’ve got the machine-gun guy. The knife guy. Explosives. The wheelman. Then the squad leader looks at you and says: “What can you do?” You should have an answer. “Me? I talk to wolves.”
Good things happen to me because I can do what others can’t. I live by that.
“Be an everyday guy.” Buzz Williams, the basketball coach for Texas A&M, brought up a similar point. He talked about the idea of being an everyday guy: “Whatever it is that you’re trying to do, are you tough enough to do that every day?” he asks. “If you’re basing it on talent, well at some point in time it might prevail, but not always. And so if you remove talent, then it comes down to consistency, discipline, and how you are spending your time.” (Quoted from Ryan Holiday)
Somewhere on a Honolulu ridge trail, my friend kept saying, “Let’s keep going. I want to see what’s ahead.” My white tennis shoes turned volcanic brown with every step as I pushed forward. I kept thinking of the Haitian proverb: Dèyè mòn gen mòn. Beyond the mountains, more mountains. I’m no scholar of Creole, but I know what it means. Each struggle feels like the big one. Until the next one hits. And that’s okay. The mountains keep coming. So do you. Don’t chase calm. Don’t think one mountain means you’re done. It’s not the struggle that hurts. It’s believing this one will be the last.
Kids are always learning from you. I tossed a book from my kitchen to my living room to put it back in its place. My son CLOCKED IT, and started throwing cookbooks onto our sofa. Whoops.
You can always bounce back. We were on vacation, and it wasn’t living up to the hype. I was sick. My kid, the copycat, was sick too. Halfway through the trip, dread started to creep in: oh no, this vacation is going tob be an expensive dud. But then, over coffee, I looked at my wife and said, “We’re gonna turn this around.” And we did. We pushed toward what made us happy. We ditched the plans that weren’t working. We gave ourselves grace to slow down, to be the sick little trio we were. And the rest of the trip? It ruled. Don’t resign yourself to a bad moment.
Save your wins. They add up. Years ago, I stole an idea from Tim Ferriss: a “jar of awesome.” It’s basically a bunch sticky notes with little victories, creative projects, career milestones, moments where my gut was right, stuffed into a mason jar. I did it because it helped me see progress when my brain refused to believe it. Later, I brought the same idea to a team I was leading. We tracked every win, big, small, questionable. A year later, the list was massive. Someone on the team told me it rebuilt their confidence. Because when you're staring at a wall of proof of your awesome, it's hard to feel like a fraud.
If you can’t see your success, you can’t build on it. I know the driven types. They don’t pause. No breath between wins. Just forward. But if you don’t stop and say, that was good, how do you do it again? As a coach, it’s the same trap. Skip the celebration, and the team misses the lesson.
Under the fluorescent lights, an employee on the eve of their nine-month anniversary sat across from me, listing wins: projects delivered, praise received, metrics climbed. They wanted more—more pay, more responsibility, the usual ambition cocktail. I don’t blame them. But I paused, then said, “Anyone can steer the ship when the seas are calm.” There are always early risers, fast starters, shooting stars. What I’ve learned to watch for is how they handle it when the waves get rough.
Years ago, a gym salesperson talked me out of joining his gym. Clipboard in hand, he asked, “Do you want to lose weight?” No. “Gain muscle?” Also no. We just stood there for a moment, blinking at each other. He had no follow-up. I had no pitch. It took me a while to realize what I was looking for. Not a change. Not a goal. Just a place to show up. To move. To feel like myself. “I learned the importance of exercise as a practice — not of becoming but of being.”
It’s hard to change people’s mind. Members of the Heaven’s Gate cult believed a spaceship trailed the Hale-Bopp comet, waiting to take them to a higher plane after death. So they bought a $3,645 telescope to try and spot it. A week later, unable to see the spaceship, they returned it. Not because they doubted the spaceship, but because the telescope must have been broken. When belief and reality collide, people don’t change their beliefs. They step back from reality. Also, why return the telescope if you’re going to kill yourself, ya know?
I heard it said once, people don’t want a million dollars, they want to spend a million dollars. But you know, after you spend the million dollars you don’t have the million dollars. We want the reward and the permanence. People want to eat their cake, and have it too. But it doesn’t work that way. Freedom isn’t just the ability to do what you want. Freedom is only the opportunity for self-discipline.
Be the first one on the dance floor.
Who Is Government is one of my favorite books of the year. I think that people need a reminder that the government can be good, and if you don’t think this person in the government absolutely fucking rips, you’re nuts. But the real gem comes from Sarah Vowell’s section. She writes: “The nine presidential elections in which I have voted have disabused me of the notion that knowledge is power, careening around History Hub and witnessing the archivists and citizen archivists help total strangers find the truth is a reminder that, more often than not, knowledge is pleasure.” Knowledge isn’t just about utility; it’s also joy and discovery.
“The good thing about everything being so fucked up is that no matter where you look, there is great work to be done. Do what you love. Do what you can. Do what best serves your landbase. We need it all.” That’s from another book I really enjoyed this year, Meditation for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman, who got the quote from Derek Jensen.
No one is a prophet in their own land. The closer people are to you, the harder it is for them to be impressed. Your work feels ordinary to those who share your resume. But take it somewhere new, and suddenly you’re interesting and valuable. Over dinner, our neighbors, both doctors, were fascinated by the creative work my wife and I do. Meanwhile, we were in awe of them. Same table, mutual wonder, total novelty. Don’t fear being an outsider. That’s where your power is.
Flashy things rarely get my attention. Still, the idea of a fancy watch too hold of me. Around that time, I heard Sahil Bloom on the Prof G. Podcast say, “Before buying ask, ‘Would I buy this thing if I couldn't show it to anyone else?’ That'll tell if you’re trying to buy status.” Check my wrist. Nothing there.
Just learn how to get stuff done. I think of it as defying gravity. It’s so easy to get caught up in bureaucracy, problems, what ifs. Who cares? The work is piling up. Let’s get stuff done.
Rebecca Martinez came to my class, and when I was talking about my preference on work style, she said, “Oh, you’re the ‘Be brief, be bright, be gone’ type.” My students latched on and made this and I love it.
“A gentleman is never rude except on purpose.” - Christopher Hitchens. I didn’t grow up on Emily Post. I wasn’t dragging my knuckles, but I wasn’t polished either. I’m grateful to the people who called me out when I needed it. (thinking specifically of John Carle talking to me after a meeting with talent) That correction opened the door for real growth. Have I always nailed it? Nah. Still, that Hitchens line hits home. There are times when sharp elbows are exactly right. Best to throw them intentionally.
“A failure-free life is not a possibility. We will be failing, so let’s do it joyfully, let’s do it thoughtfully, and celebrate them appropriately.” - Amy Edmondson
“If you haven't read hundreds of books, you are functionally illiterate, and you will be incompetent, because your personal experiences alone aren't broad enough to sustain you.” - Jim Mattis. Damn, Jim.
“Stay curious about the things you’re curious about.” - Margaret Pardue
Margaret is into woodworking. She travels like she’s Indiana Jones. Her birthday party was a talent show. She curates an Instagram of beautiful pipes. She’s cool. In a world built around optimization, I asked what she gets from all these slow pursuits. Margaret thought momentarily and said, “Hobbies are a great space for self-reflection and self-discovery.” She said, “Woodworking taught me how I think. That’s why I love hobbies, they change your brain.” For me, it’s running. In my sneakers is where I sort myself out. Do your hobbies. Do your weird little thing. It’s worth it.
Never move into a home that once had cats in it. I have found kitty litter in my garage, laundry machine, garbage disposal, and the track for my sliding closet mirror. I love animals, but this is no way to live.
These are the good old days. The time when it’s just my wife, my son, and me in the house is ending. I’m lapping up the moments while I can. But, I also know good things are ahead, too, because the reason the trio is coming to an end is that we’re having another kid this fall. Wonder what I’ll learn next year.
Thank you for this. Happy birthday!