Why 10% Happier Meant More Than 10% To Me

How I Tried to Hustle My Way to a Better Life and Failed

I had my first panic attack at 19. I wasn’t launching rockets or doing what they do on The Pitt (I haven’t seen it, is it about a quarry of some sort?). I was just a college art major, ambitious without direction, and with no idea how to make my way. And one random evening in my college apartment, I had a panic attack, broke down, frantically trying to solve the knowledge that I was ABOUT TO DIE. (Panic attacks sometimes feel like you’re about to die. It’s fun.) So I was like turning on my shower, cleaning a little, trying to breathe, pacing, thinking I should escape the general area, trying to understand what was happening all to NOT DIE. It was a low. It sucked. And my body hurt for like three days.

I’m sharing that because the news came out that, in my role at Libsyn, I signed a partnership with 10% Happier with

Dan Harris

. This wasn’t just one of my many brilliant business moves, it was really personal. It brought me back.

Panic at the Nabisco

So my first panic attack, 19, college, thought I was dying (see above). After that, I thought if I took my ambition and pushed HARDER, that would solve my problems. So I’m 21, I’m working 12-hour days, I’ve got an active social life, that, in my cloud of ambition, I thought of much more as a continuation of work than something to be enjoyed. I also dedicated one night a week to staying up all night and working.

Tuesday’s sleep was my sacrifice to the hustle gods. I was convinced this was my secret advantage. Like, I did the math, right? If I can squeeze more hours out of my work than everyone else, that’ll get me much further.

Where did it actually get me? I’d go to work, down 10 cups of coffee, snack on several bags of those mini-Oreos from the office pantry, and absolutely white knuckle it through each work day, and then do a side project or two on the nights nad weekends. Again, I wanna be clear, I was working in the arts. This was silly.

Turns out caffeine, no sleep, and poor nutrition just led to more panic attacks. Panic attacks were just starting to become a thing in my life. Like, occasionally, I thought I was going to die, triggered by seemingly nothing. It was just misery. No meaning. No payoff. No growth.

Grindful to Mindful

In my early 20s, I was still in an all-out sprint for my success. At this job where they barely knew I existed, they announced they were going to make a sitcom. The next day, I was leaving on a week's unpaid vacation (this job didn’t know I existed, no benefits, no PTO, no OT, nothing) since my uncle generously invited me to stay with him on his vacation to Hawaii. I worked the whole week writing scripts for that job’s new sitcom. To be clear that was in no way my job. I came back with scripts in hand, and I was like, will this help? Can I be a writer now? It did not. I could not.

an embarrassing selfie above the pool where I spent days writing instead of just chilling out

Trying to optimize my life and output in every way and trying to consume better content, I accidentally found meditation. After the 20th book or interview from someone I admired mentioning meditation, I gave it a shot. Sitting and focusing on my breath made me feel better, and it didn’t make sense to me why. But I could tell it was working (I know from beating my whole family at Mindball).

So, as I tried to pick up more pieces of meditation, slash just making my life better, I eventually came across the book 10% Happier right when it came out. And it spoke to me, unlike the grindset that was popular before. In a way, it’s not promising spiritual fireworks, or the impossible results that were popular at the time. 10% Happier is modest, but a meaningful upgrade.

As I read 10% Happier, it reframed ambition and calm for me in a way nothing else had. It made space for both hustle and stillness. Dan’s story didn’t just resonate with me because it felt a little bit like my own (or maybe just very universal for those gifted with panic attacks). At the time, popular self-improvement media was flooded by what I called ‘Buddhism Bros’ guys quoting the Bhagavad Gita between deadlifts, trying to ‘transcend’ their incomes with webinars on closing sales. It always felt lame and against what I was looking for. What Dan offered was the opposite: no shirtless photos with supplement affiliate links, no $5,000 retreats, no pretending your burnout was a spiritual awakening. Just the idea that you could be a little less reactive, a little more grounded, and that, honestly, was revolutionary.

Mindfulness I discovered in part with Dan, and running, and eating right are still a big part of what keeps me going and grounded and happy.

Yeah, I’m still insanely ambitious and detailed and controlling and care deeply about the work I do, but I think I’ve calmed down a ton, too. And I’ve not had a panic attack in so long I kinda forget what they’re like.

💼 Not Just Another Deal

At my age, which is 25, I feel I can look back at everything young Stephen Perlstein was, ambitious, pathless, striving to feel better, but also lying in the back seat of my car in the office parking lot trying to catch my breath because of another panic attack, I can look at that and go, dude. I got you, I feel you. It’s okay. There is a way for you. And honestly, I might say, enjoy your feeling of this panic and stress, because it won’t last forever.

Recently, in my role at Libsyn, I helped bring the 10% Happier podcast into our advertising network. When 10% Happier came across my desk at Libsyn, working on this show wasn’t just business, it was a personal tribute to young Stephen Perlstein, who needed what Dan offers.

It was a bet on Dan's powerful connection to his audience and the incredible significance of what he offers. It was also a bet on the knowledge that ambitious weirdos like me are a real powerful force and an audience worth reaching. If you’re an advertiser, buy with Dan, that’ll make me look good and you look even better.

Break Down to Break Through

Looking back at the road you’ve traveled, many times, all we remember are the good parts. Stories of success rarely come with the pain of the meandering and directionlessness along the way.

My story isn’t particularly harrowing or unique. But it was a challenge for me.

And I’m glad to be a small part of a show that helps people feel a little better and overcome similar obstacles. That’s ROI that you don’t find in the spreadsheet.

Check out

Dan Harris

’s podcast and his Substack.

P.S. this photo is in no way what I look like when I meditate and very embarrassing to take. Bonus points if you can name any of the books in my background there. (I really need a new bookshelf - there’s a story there)