What I Talk About When I Talk About Crashing Out

With apologies to Murakami, and possibly Geico

May 12, 2025

“Crashing out” is a phrase I’ve been hearing from my college students more and more. If you’re like me, and 25 years old, you’re probably not totally familiar with this hip young phrase, crashing out, but it sounds bad. Crashing out means losing your shit in a big, impulsive, usually regrettable way.

So why are all of my students crashing out? And why, when they say they’re crashing out, is it so calm, so self-aware, so manageable?

Are we crashing out? Or is it something else?

Going Postal is Passé

The first thing I said when a student from the back of the class defined crashing out to me was, “Oh, like going postal?” They had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. So, there you go, the youth, totally desensitized, don’t understand the notion of semi-annual workplace violence being notable enough to have its own phrase1.

The violence of the phrase strikes me. A crash hurts. A crash is unexpected, and sudden and big and loud and sometimes deadly. So, for all you old heads, think going postal.

And yeah, when we said someone was going postal in the 80s, with our Members Only jackets, teasing out our hair, listening to Oingo Boingo, most of the time they weren’t actually shooting someone. Thank goodness. So maybe these phrases of sporadic freaking out is soft. But, I don’t remember hearing people declare they were going postal. And I don’t remember it being used so casually.

Are We Crashing, or Just Losing Control

Most of the time, my students are describing their crashing out, it’s not a great situation, but it’s also like… not that big of a deal? It’d be like being behind on emails and declaring, “I’m going postal.” (I’m getting a lot of notes about my puns lately - I want to stay this email and postal connection is NOT a pun.) Everyone’s behind on email. I know dozens of people who have unread email counts larger than the populations of small cities.

But what’s triggering these crash-outs2 is stressful. The feeling that things are falling apart is perhaps normal. I dunno. I don’t like that. But we’re living in an interesting time. The world is vibrating. It’s uncomfortable. There’s a lot to be stressed about.

Still, I don’t think we’re crashing out. I think we’re just living in a world where we know more than ever before, while still having the same limited control we’ve always had. The difference is, now there are far more things we feel we could or should be controlling.

A student was describing to me a concern for graduation, career plans, next jobs, all that, and one of their big barriers that was causing them alarm was “The Economy.” I prodded, feeling the economy is a bit nebulous, what are we worried about in the economy? The answer was all of it: tariffs, recession, and the impact of advertising revenue on their desired field of work. I’m not a Pollyanna, I’m thinking a bit about these things too. But also, I am not the one with the entire economy on my shoulders, if it all comes crumbling, well, the difference in outcomes between me doing EVERYTHING I can to fix it, and NOTHING to fix it, is zero.

This isn’t fatalism. This is taking to heart the old prayer my grandpa liked:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.

You don’t have to be a capital-G God person to see the point there.

Don’t Crash - Drift

Years back, my friend was driving on this bridge, and for a whole bunch of reasons that would take too long to explain, his girlfriend was on TOP of the car of a guy neither of them liked.

It was bad. And I swear, watching it, I thought she was going to die. But my dude didn’t freak out. He steered into the chaos. He slammed his car into the center divider, launching himself into the air caught her, cradled her in his arms, and landed safely. No one fell into the ravine.

It was awesome. Shout out to my buddy Jason - love you, man.

Now, I don’t think that was the wisest decision I’ve ever seen someone make. And yet, I think in the face of chaos, you have the option to be who you want to be.

Do you want to be “crashing out,” losing control, doing things you’re going to later regret? Or do you want to be the one who tames chaos with your level head?

They’re Just Words

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but my words control my mind.

Your words matter. How you perceive yourself matters.

Carrie Fisher3 has a beautiful quote that I can’t get over.

In my opinion, a problem derails your life and an inconvenience is not being able to get a nice seat on the un-derailed train.

Has your train been derailed or do you just not like this seat?

Are you crashing out?

Or are you just unsure what’s next?

It’s romantic to be the one crashing out.

The problems are so big you can’t control yourself.

It’s heroic to fight through.

Crashing Out is Real - But Rare

You may crash out - honestly, it’s kinda fun, and will make for a funny story later.

But I do think the calm in which I hear my students regularly relay their crashing out is concerning. We’re convincing ourselves our problems are bigger than our ability to handle them And with enough repetition of that phrasing, I believe it starts to become a reality.

Instead, I’ll invite you to drift. Next time things are going wrong, I suggest you think of it as drifting. Sometimes drifting is a raft floating down the river and we don’t know where it’s going. Sometimes drifting is tires screeching going into a hard turn. Sometimes, drifting is your eyes falling closed for a rest.

And what’s on the other side of that drift could be good, or could be bad, or could be a bit of both. But for a moment, you’re just not totally in control. And that’s ok.

Or don’t do that. Whatever.

Stephen Perlstein's Sunday Scaries

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